Soon after Natalie Morales began dating Joe Rhodes in the mid-1990s, she met Kay Rhodes, her future mother-in-law, and they instantly hit it off. “We had a mutual passion for watching the stock market and investing, so she'd share stock tips with me,” says Morales, a former Today anchor, who now co-hosts the daytime talk show The Talk. “She was so vibrant and smart, and she lived for her kids. Her husband was an insurance executive, and wherever they moved for his career, she'd make sure the kids had a great home and good friends.”
Kay's home for the final years of her life was a memory care facility. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when Natalie and Joe were still newlyweds, and she died in 2014 at the age of 70. Even before Natalie and Joe married, the family began noticing something amiss with Kay, who was then in her early fifties. “We were living in New York City, and they were in Colorado, so we didn't see them as much as we would've liked,” Morales says. “But my father-in-law would tell us she was having anxiety attacks and worrying about strange things like running out of food. He'd find food hidden in the linen closet or rotten bananas in between the sheets.”
A bigger warning sign came when Morales and Rhodes flew to Colorado for their wedding in August 1998. “We had shipped our wedding rings to them in Denver ahead of time,” she says. “Kay had become so anxious that someone would break into the house and steal the rings that she hid them—and then she couldn't remember where she had put them. Actually, she didn't even remember receiving them. She tore the house apart looking for them but never found them. Fortunately, the rings were insured and we were able to get replacements, but we knew then that something was very wrong.”
Rhodes' father—also named Joe—took Kay to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, to find out what her worsening symptoms could mean. It would be the first of several visits there. “She was repeating herself, panicking easily, losing things,” Morales says. “She couldn't complete sentences or would forget what she was saying. It seemed to get worse very quickly.”
During her initial visit to Mayo, Kay showed some diminished ability to recognize words but “passed” screening tests for dementia. A year later, however, with her condition continuing to decline, she underwent testing again at Mayo and was diagnosed with dementia from early-onset Alzheimer's disease. She was 55 years old.
Although her mental function deteriorated, Kay remained physically fit. “She was otherwise extraordinarily healthy, so she lived for a very long time with the disease,” Morales says. “My father-in-law cared for her at home for about 10 years, and the burden on him was tremendous. We were living in Connecticut at the time, and my husband's sister lives in St. Louis, where they grew up. While we tried to visit as much as we could, the day-to-day caregiving fell to him.”
Fortunately, Joe was able to connect with a chapter of the Alzheimer's Association near their home in Littleton, CO. “Volunteers would come to the house and care for her,” Morales says. “They'd keep her entertained and preoccupied with things like art projects so my father-in-law could take a break and play golf.”
Eventually the chapter helped Joe find a memory care facility where Kay could receive round-the-clock attention. “We realized it was taking a toll on his health,” Morales says. “He developed Parkinson's disease and also had to have heart surgery. My husband and his sister helped pack up their mother's things, and they all went to the facility so she wouldn't feel afraid. It was a wonderful place, and the staff were so good with her, but it was hard for the family to leave her there.”
One day not long after Kay had moved into the memory care facility, Joe was sorting through his wife's things, and in the back of a drawer, inside a ball of rolled-up socks, he felt something bumpy and heavy—the missing wedding rings that Kay had stashed there a decade before.
During the six years Kay lived at the facility, Morales and her husband would bring their two sons, Josh and Luke, to visit her, but Kay never recognized her grandchildren. And the cost of her care wiped out Joe and Kay's savings. She died in 2014 at age 70. The years of caregiving and worry took their toll on Joe, who died in January 2021 at the age of 79.